Coincidence?

revisit this post to lol anytime

Foreign signs about dogs are funny.

Issues With Authority, Continued

"You know, sometimes I think that I could be the Lord God Almighty and you'd still find fault with me. I've really tried to be a better manager lately. What is your  issue with me?"

"I have noticed your recent efforts. But, working under your supposition, I'd still feel very comfortable saying to you,  'Jesus Christ, you are a world-class douche bag.'"

war and ringworm

Just got done watching Stephen Colbert (who is maybe less funny but far more subversive than Jon Stewart) interview the editor of wikileaks (see link below). Then I watched the video on wikileaks titled Collateral Murder, then I watched the analysis of the video on Al Jazeera English by the editor of wikileaks and a former DoD dickhead.. Here's the link to the wikileaks video:

collateral murder

It is shameful that as a country we have yet to apologize for the mess we have made of Iraq. Just shameful. So it is gratifying to me to see this video, and all the press it's been getting (though obviously, not any national/mainstream press). It is awful to watch, and should fill American breasts with abject shame, but it should galvanize viewers toward the ever-obvious conclusion that the Iraq war is and always has been obscene and unjust.

So after getting my fill of political chaos, as outlined above, I googled ringworm. That's because yesterday I showed my neighborhood Walgreen's pharmacist my scalp and she said, "Oh, yeah, that's ringworm."  Here's what the pharmacist saw:

Three weeks ago I paid a board-certified dermatologist $30 to ask her what the fuck was wrong with my scalp. She told me it was "a fungal infection", but that I shouldn't take an oral anti-fungal to cure it. Instead she handed me a coupon for a couple bucks off a brand-new type of anti-fungal gel. The gel she prescribed cost $180.00, so I didn't get it.

I called the dermatologst right back, and had to leave a voice message saying I couldn't afford the gel she'd prescribed, so I needed to know what else I could use. A week later, the doctor's secretary got around to leaving me a voice message telling me to use Tough-Actin' Tinactin  (yes, the jock-itch medicine) twice a day, and to come back in a month.

Holy crap. My internet diagnostics today taught me that scalp ringworm is the most tenacious variety of this infection, and because it is so hard to get rid of, the first line of defense is an oral anti-fungal medication. 


Additionally, during my visit she should have told me to:
1- check my kid for symptoms because this shit is contagious as hell
2- throw out my hairbrush
3- dunk my newly-adopted cat who has a weird skin issue in buttermilk
4- use super-strength Selsen-Blue daily for at least one month
5- dab on some Tea-tree oil once a day
6- bleach-wash all my towel and bed linens

Otherwise, I could end up looking like THIS:

I would have a gentler walk on this earth if I didn't have an issue with authority.

But today I am mad as hell at authority in general. Therefore, today I want to:
1- break all the speed limits
2- tell someone just doing their crappy little job to go fuck themselves
3- stamp and grind on the foot of Sam's doctor if she is even ONE minute late for our appointment
4- call my boss and lodge a formal complaint against the bitch charge-nurse who has made a dear patient of mine suffer two Sundays in a row
5- stop thinking such dark thoughts right this goddamned minute or else these stupid heart palpitations I'm having as I write this will probably kill me.

You know, there are still two wars going on right at this minute, and I still have ringworm, but today connecting with others on the internet made the thought of them easier to bear.

It has done nothing for my issues with authority, however.

"Grandpa's Off His Meds Again"

Ah, to be so bold, so free from worry that pink pantyhose belted with plastic-bottle fringe just Makes Sense, but only if paired with that wig he wore that one Halloween when he got high on mushrooms and partied all night at the Boulder Art Museum.

Dream

Had a dream that drunk waiter guy on that show on Showtime about catering came up to me and gave me a note to ask me to call him since he was so taken with me. This after just getting two other dates from very desirable people. But the actor guy was a doctor who'd just finished his Cardiology residency. Dad was talking with him and I overheard that he was divorced, his wife had left him because of the demands of his education. And he thought I was funny.

Also in the dream, I was roped into helping a little kid whose foot was jacked up, and I discovered some medicine that I enjoyed practicing. And that's how I met drunk-waiter-but-I'm-really-a-cool-doctor-who-is-just-a-guy-in-love-with-YOU.

Also in that dream, we were in a car in the city trying to get somewhere fast and we encountered a bad scene, fires and autos abandoned, and we were getting zapped/tingly in our car because there was a car electrified next to us.

So we got out of the car and were under a 5 story underpass. A big, burly, pleasant cop came up to us, loaded to the teeth (machine gun strapped to his back, grenades), and all of a sudden, his bat-like crime-fighting super hearing made his head cock to the left, he politely excused himself from our pleasant conversation, and scaled the walls of that underpass just like spiderman, just up, up, up, and I was filled with awe and a great sense of safety, that the world was about to be Put Right.

If you were Mary reading this, you'd be laughing because this story went on and on and on and on and on. It was self-indulgent and, more than that, absolutely thrilled with itself.

magma

"So what's wrong with it?!"
"There's nothing wrong with your business plan..."
"Yes, she's right. Your plan is great, Kate. It's the name"
"Magma. It's just too close. To close to..."
"Too close to miasma. To smegma. To..."
"To anything unrelated to a coffee shop. Christ, Kate, the name sucks."

Craptastic.

What a weird day to start in earnest my daily blog dedicated to laughing out loud once a day. I just learned I am being garnished for 1/4 of my paycheck for the next 10 paychecks. Those vultures. Oh well, what can I do? I'll plead with the attorneys who have heard it all before, and who will tell me to just deal with it. I planned on taking this weekend off and now I think I may have to cancel those plans. I don't see how I can skip out of work in this new set of circumstances. So all plans for extra expenditures are on hold until August.
So what is there to laugh about?
This is a debt I incurred while married but when my husband was taking my earnings, and giving me nothing to live on, so I took out 3 credit cards to buy baby stuff and household items, like food for all of us. Those cards bought my eventual freedom. I used them to leave him and set up shop in a different town with my 3 year old!
So an old debt has come home to roost.
They tend to do that.

So I will pay my debt. We will get by. I will state my apologies with my cash and move on. And I will still find a way to laugh out loud today. Maybe today when we are at the Goodwill we will find something that is very nice but for the horrible stains, I'll call out to my son, "Hey! This thing is CrapTastic!!!"